Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Many Sides of Garza

Garza is obviously beloved by all posters on this site. But let's be honest, the guy is mercurial. You don't know which Garz is going to show up one day after the next. I'll do my best and try and outline the major Garz personas for you so you'll be ready next time:

Matt Garza, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Basically Garz knew that he was never going to make it back to the playoffs as an Astro, so he allowed himself to pitch for the Rays. They're one of those newly hyped teams that haven't been around too long. Pitchfork gave them a good review, Garz signed up. Garz practiced his pitching motions in our dorm in college by throwing Ram Jam and Cat Stevens vinyl records across the room at the wall.

Roberto Garza, Chicago Bears
Geez. Only Garz would put "#1 in Nutrition" on a package of frozen cinnamon buns. That's the kind of business savvy that he learned at the Wash U. B-School. And notice it doesn't say "Most Valuable Player," but "Most Valuable Person." Fits with everything I know about the guy. He does it all.

Aldo de la Garza, Former A&M Football Player
All I ever heard Garz talk about at school was how much he loved College Station. No wonder. This is the innocent look he will try to give you when you accuse him of eating all the oreos.

David Lee Garza, Musician
I remember the day Garz insisted on buying that darned cowboy hat.

Alana de la Garza, TV's "Law & Order"
Since she's on Law & Order maybe she'll come to law school to give a lecture, except instead of her walking through the door it will be Garz himself. He has that same outfit except it says "Jesuit P.E." across the front.

Ambassador Garza (Mexico)
This is Garz, ironing out all of our political issues south of the border. I knew this was in his future when he'd chat it up in Spanish with everyone on the St. Louis Metrolink coming back from Busch Stadium late at night.

Garza Theatre, (Post, TX)
Basically everything Garz stands for musically, memorialized in a building. (That was a nice touch, Garz, with the two little red white and blue buntings next to the sign). Seems the theatre caters to plays and stage productions. Currently they are featuring a show entitled "An Evening of Culture." It said the audience members get treated to pumpkin beer and Ritz crackers while watching Beavis and Butthead.

I hope this helps to explain Garz a bit better.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Don't Change a Thing For Me

I love finding beauty in unexpected places. For years I've written off INXS. Who knew they were capable of this piece of musical perfection?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

What Did I Just Buy?

So I was killing some time at Best Buy the other day, but I'm not sure what my purpose was in being there. Little did I know it was my destiny playing out before my own eyes. I was just looking around, I suppose, and I came across a DVD display on the side of an aisle: a gargantuan He-Man cartoon treasure trove! Now, I stood debating these DVD's for the longest time, and at one point decided against them and walked around some more of the store. But sure enough, my heart came calling me back to the He-Man DVD display. "Man, it's He-Man!" I tells myself, and it's Vol. 1 which is 33 episodes for $20! What a deal, no wonder they're on display! I mean, my mental math tells me that's like .10 cents an episode, I'd be a fool not to buy it.

Thus I grabbed it and ran to the register, and the guy there is one of those guys with the stretchy loops in his ear lobes, and he's like "Nice choice, He-Man, and at a good price." This acclaim from the Best Buy employee made me feel better about myself and my purchase- kind of like getting complimented when you bring your Arcade Fire CD to the register instead of getting laughed out the door. So I said "Yeh, twenty bucks seemed fairly reasonable," and the guy says "No man, they're only $9.95, they're on sale. So if you want to go check them out again go ahead."

Now, this is where my mental prowess kicked in-- I'm no idiot. I go over the facts and decide that since two minutes ago I was standing there expecting to pay $20 bucks, then that extra $10 is basically one of those "sunk costs" that you can't retrieve regardless of what you do because it is already spent. I mean, this is one of those economic "prisoner's dilemmas" where I can go home with only one DVD set and $10 or two DVD sets with $0. Naturally, I went back to the He-Man aisle and picked up Vol. 2 and brought it back to the dude at the register and went home happy.

Garz knows that I can find ways to justify any purchase. I've spent his money in this fashion multiple times at Vintage Vinyl. But although I've only watched four episodes up to this point, let's just say I think I've already reaped the rewards of my decisions about 5 times over. You can't script stuff like this nowadays.

Bears: 1.2. Watching these proves to be quite the time killer-- the afternoon just disappears!

Anti-Bears: 4.3. I like this animation better than all the Toy Story type stuff anyways, and they have a moral/lesson revealed at the end of every show that should have been learned in the episode! Maybe they will teach some money management principles at some point in the collection.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wrigley Wrevisited

I didn't go to Wrigley. But that Astros game tonight was so good. Hunter Pence almost hit for the cycle, those double plays were great, and more! I haven't watched baseball as religiously as I usually do this year because the Astros have been sucking. But I happened to see the game tonight and it was so good. I noticed: Jim Edmonds' old ass will kill the Astros until he retires, Cubs fans still suck...they're so fickle and they boo the Cubs too much. Ohhh shit, I remember watching WGN back in the day and just hating Steve Stone and Chip Caray so much. haha that's wack dude! Also, I remember when Aramis Ramirez was the worst fielder! He was on the Pirates and he was usually good for one error per game. Since he's been on the Cubs, he's improved a lot though...and that sucks! I seriously think the Cubs could win the World Series this year! As an Astros fan...I hate that! Carlos Marmol is the best set up man in baseball and the Cubs are too balanced. What's the world coming to? My Astros have won like 6 or 7 in a row and that's nuts! What if we actually won the wild card?!

I hate the Cubs...but it's like a different hate than the one employed by Cards fans. It's like a very personal hatred where I just wish Carlos Zambrano would break his arm or tear his rotator cuff or something...just to see the Cubbies fail! More about Jim Edmonds though...Lord I hate watching him play CF against the Astros! He catches everything! He should totally be a slow, old, white dude who misjudges fly balls and can't hit the cutoff man anymore...but no, man, he's still like Otis fuckin Nixon out there. I actually don't remember how good of a CF Otis Nixon was...but shit I remember HATING the Tomahawk Chop! Damn I hated the Braves...but now they don't matter too much anymore.

But if I moved to Chicago I'd wanna be a Sox fan I think I've decided. But NO No No! my most hated player is A.J. Pierzynski! He seems like such a douche bag! Jim Thome is just a damn hick too! I've lived in Texas toooo long and that shit is no longer cute!

Oh...does telling people "Alfonso Soriano swings the biggest bat in baseball" make anyone else laugh too??