Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Many Sides of Garza

Garza is obviously beloved by all posters on this site. But let's be honest, the guy is mercurial. You don't know which Garz is going to show up one day after the next. I'll do my best and try and outline the major Garz personas for you so you'll be ready next time:

Matt Garza, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Basically Garz knew that he was never going to make it back to the playoffs as an Astro, so he allowed himself to pitch for the Rays. They're one of those newly hyped teams that haven't been around too long. Pitchfork gave them a good review, Garz signed up. Garz practiced his pitching motions in our dorm in college by throwing Ram Jam and Cat Stevens vinyl records across the room at the wall.

Roberto Garza, Chicago Bears
Geez. Only Garz would put "#1 in Nutrition" on a package of frozen cinnamon buns. That's the kind of business savvy that he learned at the Wash U. B-School. And notice it doesn't say "Most Valuable Player," but "Most Valuable Person." Fits with everything I know about the guy. He does it all.

Aldo de la Garza, Former A&M Football Player
All I ever heard Garz talk about at school was how much he loved College Station. No wonder. This is the innocent look he will try to give you when you accuse him of eating all the oreos.

David Lee Garza, Musician
I remember the day Garz insisted on buying that darned cowboy hat.

Alana de la Garza, TV's "Law & Order"
Since she's on Law & Order maybe she'll come to law school to give a lecture, except instead of her walking through the door it will be Garz himself. He has that same outfit except it says "Jesuit P.E." across the front.

Ambassador Garza (Mexico)
This is Garz, ironing out all of our political issues south of the border. I knew this was in his future when he'd chat it up in Spanish with everyone on the St. Louis Metrolink coming back from Busch Stadium late at night.

Garza Theatre, (Post, TX)
Basically everything Garz stands for musically, memorialized in a building. (That was a nice touch, Garz, with the two little red white and blue buntings next to the sign). Seems the theatre caters to plays and stage productions. Currently they are featuring a show entitled "An Evening of Culture." It said the audience members get treated to pumpkin beer and Ritz crackers while watching Beavis and Butthead.

I hope this helps to explain Garz a bit better.


Danny said...

this. is. amazing!! hahaha

charz said...

yeah, that was frickin hilarious

Eric said...

Man I don't even know who I am these days...