March Madness

I'm not sure if charz2k still does good old-fashioned concert reviews anymore, but I'll try throwing one out there. This post involves a concert AND a decent roadtrip, hence the March Madness title. I don't like basketball enough to write about it.

I caught the Black Lips last night in Lawrence, KS, which was obviously a good show. Lawrence is four hours away, so I started out at noon yesterday. There is a local radio station that was awesome in 6th grade but not too grand these days; nevertheless, they do a "Flashback Lunch" hour from 12-1 which is pretty cool and it was a rare time that I got to hear all the old songs that you completely forget but miraculously come right back to your memory. Yesterday's program included Green Day's "Nice Guys Finish Last"; the Breeders' "Last Splash"; Eels' "Novocaine for the Soul"; and Weezer's "My Name is Jonas." It was a good start to the trip.

So the road up to Lawrence is just two lane highway pretty much all the way, which is awesome. I like looking at the country and going through all the little old towns. Check out the sweet courthouse building in Ottawa, KS; I totally pulled a Garz to stop and take a photograph:

Anyways, I got to Lawrence and found a pretty tasty Italian place to eat at, and the waitress knew of a good record store that I hit up before the show, which was at the Bottleneck, a bar/hole-in-the-wall type joint. Simply put, I'm jealous of you guys who will get to see them at SXSW, because we all know how good they are. Things kicked off with "Sea of Blasphemy," which, along with "Fairy Stories," "Buried Alive," and "Juvenile," I think sounds ten times better live than on record. The high points for me were "Short Fuse," which comes across as slightly more "punk" rather than "Nuggets" sounding like on the new album, and of course "Cold Hands," which is arguably their best song. My new favorite live song is "Time of the Scab," which is in Spanish and involves Jared shouting out Spanish phrases right before the guitars kick in with their main lick. I don't know Spanish so when I sing in the car I have to make up my own phrases ("Tostitos!"; "Arriba!"; "El Garzo!"). Other songs that I normally don't like that much, like "Hippie, Hippie, Hoorah," are completely enjoyable live by the time Cole adds all his useless, pointless sound effects and theatrics.

My only bears to give to this show were that I don't think they played as long as they normally would, because they had to get on the road to SXSW, which was kind of a bummer. Other than that, I think they remain my favorite current band. Despite their stage antics, in seeing them twice now I never have felt like they are gimmicky. It would almost seem disingenuous if Cole didn't get on stage wearing a white smock and a buckle-at-the-front pilgrim hat.

Anyways, I started my drive back to Oklahoma this morning, and what seemed to be crackling through the static on my radio right around Coffeyville, KS? Another Flashback Lunch? What luck: the Cult's "She Sells Sanctuary"; Poe's "Angry Johnny"; "Longview" and "Rock the Casbah" were the highlights (in contrast, the first song after the Flashback Lunch was something by the All-American Rejects). 4.5 anti-bears / 2.1 bears (no "Boomerang"?)

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

I can remember the first time I played Street Fighter II: My friend Ellis' birthday party back in 4th grade. Eventually we had to implement a "no dhalsim" policy, because back then we could not defeat dhalsim's long limb attacks. The game blew my mind. Street Fighter II was THE game... until next year's birthday party, when Mortal Kombat came out.









Anyways, movies adapted from video games are generally not very good. When I see a movie based on a game, I typically want a high camp-factor, with lots of cartoonish action. Both Mortal Kombat films provided this, as did the classic Street Fighter movie with Jean Claude Van Damme as Guile. But unfortunately, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (SFLCL) did not. Let me state plainly: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. I expected a movie with a 0% Rotten Tomatoes Rating to have a "so bad it's funny" element. There was very little funny about this movie. It was just unbearable.

Problem 1: Very little action. For a movie called street fighter, there was maybe one street fight that lasted like 1 minute? Uggh.

Problem 2: Too much plot and charater development. We don't give a shit about that- show us some people beating the crap out of each other! And if you are going that route, at LEAST make it interesting.

Problem 3: A retarded side plot. The movie had two main story lines going on. First there was Chun-Li attempting to find her father. Secondly, there was an INTERPOL cop and a Bangkok cop teamed up trying to bring down Bison. Way too much time was spent on these cops. We don't give a shit about that!

Problem 4: Not enough Street Fighter charaters. There was Chun-Li, Bison, Balrog, and Vega (briefly). That's it. I mean, come on! You were in frickin Thailand, at least have Sagat.

Problem 5: Horrible casting. Bison: Band of Brother's Lt. Buck Compton. He's just some white American dude who doesn't even know martial arts, making the final showdown totally lame. Chun-Li: Smallville's Lana Lane. She's not even fully Chinese! Chun-Li is from China. I know that, because on the game you fight her on the streets of China. She is not half-Chinese, born in San Francisco. Balrog: Michael Clarke Duncan. Okay, this one was a good choice. But I wonder why he got involved in this pile of crap. Stupid INTERPOL cop: American Pie's "Oz." Man, this guy cannot act! He was just painful to watch. And the "chemistry" between him and the Bangkok hot girl cop was so not there.

I did though like that Chun-Li's teacher was the guy who played Liu Kang in the Mortal Kombat movies. Nice crossover. And when Chun-Li fought Bison, she hit him with a bicycle kick- an homage to Liu Kang's signature move, perhaps???

So do not see SFLCL. Please do not see it! See anything else instead. The movie sets up for a sequel, with Liu Kang telling Chun-li that he's heard of a good fighter in Japan named Ryu. God I hope they don't make that movie. Perhaps a better route would be a sitcom with Zangief, Ken, E Honda, and a hilarious nerd sharing a small Brooklyn apartment and chasing girls. I'd watch!

Yes, Dear

Yes, Dear is on TBS right now. Is there one single person who would be flipping through the channels and would think "YES! Yes, Dear is on!"? I guess it's possible, but why put it on a network where they could just as easily show another episode of Seinfeld instead of this crippled warthog of a show?

Yes, Dear should be quarantined on a network that's strictly opt-in, so we wouldn't even have to ponder the ways TBS could better use that time slot. Just think, if they made this network we would have an isolated list of the most worthless members of society that we could use to either eradicate them or turn them into some sort of super weapon that's effective because it annoys the enemy into submission.

If you're interested in subscribing, you'll also have access to all your favorites, including, but not limited to, Still Standing, Grace Under Fire, Mama's Family, Joey, and in a marathon every Friday, According to Jim.

This reminds me of when I came back to Houston once and I had seen some terrible show on the plane that I could only describe as "the worst sitcom I have ever seen." Danny's guess was that it was Still Standing. He was right.

St. Arnold

This man is the patron saint of brewers. You know all those awesome trappist ales out there? You see the brewing process eliminates all bad pathogens in water. God only knows how the other monks reacted to all the beer at their monastery. God only knows what I'd be without you. Next time you enjoy a delicious beer (let me recommend the scabrously dark St. Bernardus) say a prayer of thanks to old St. Arnold. Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.

St. Anthony

This man was a saint and he was Catholic. He was a friend to all children and he loved animals. St. Anthony loved dogs. In conclusion, if you ever lose something you should pray to St. Anthony.

February 24th is a Holiday?

Um, someone must be playing a joke on me? Because if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: Christmas is in December. Yet for some reason when I awoke today, it was like Christmas morning for a kid in February. I was in a gleeful frenzy as I jumped out of bed in my footed pajamas. Today is the day of the new Black Lips release!

What's all this about Christmas though? After all, everyone knows one Black Lips album does not make an entire Christmas. Well, let me finish. When I opened my e-mail up, lo and behold! First, an e-mail about a new Grateful Dead show to be released in April?! Pre-order that! Second, a notice that my comic-book picture Bible shipped in the mail? (Yeh, I had one as a kid and ordered another, those things are cool). Can't wait! It was quite overwhelming, really, to think all these things awaited me on the same morning. But the kicker: it wasn't over! I next read the e-mail from Garz about the charz2k fantasy baseball league! That's like when you think you opened your last gift on Christmas and then realize that you still have the stuff in your stocking left, where your mom wrapped up a package of Mach3 razorblades, Bic ballpoint pens, and Reese's peanut butter trees. The icing on the cake, so to speak!

Well, turning to the Black Lips, I am big on "Album Release Day," meaning I like to wait to actually get the CD the day it comes out. I don't like to download things early or hear all the new tunes on the internet first. It is a rare day that I get to look forward to a new release and am actually able to get it the day it comes out- my feeble memory recalls maybe going to a midnight release of a Dandy Warhols album with Garz, and before that I remember getting STP's third album right when it hit the shelves in 6th grade. So this was a red-letter day even before it turned into Christmas.

Rewind to 2006; the Black Lips were playing Conan (a fortuitous allusion to the post below) and I had taped it so I could watch them, after all, they were a band I hadn't heard yet but one of those that Garz "said was good" which means they might be good. (Keep in mind, I knew Garz to listen to Hilary and Haylie Duff in college). But anyways, I watched the tape and was instantly online ordering all their albums before they even got to the second chorus.

This only increased my excitement for today, so during my two hour break I pop into the record store asking for the CD, only to find they had some delay in shipment and it won't be in until tomorrow. Bear! Well, Ok, I'll sell out and go to Norman's Best Buy. Double Bear! They had a delay, too! What is going on here? Who's trying to rain on my parade on Album Release Day? But as the dude is checking in his computer, I see that the Best Buy in Oklahoma City got a shipment in. Well, I have less than an hour and a half before class now, and OKC is a bit of a ways at least up the highway. What to do? What a prisoner's dilemma! Now I have been called stupid, idiotic, baseless, irrational, and dimwitted many times, and I saw this as my chance to prove myself. Of course I sped up the highway to OKC to get a copy!

I'll conclude that I really like this album. I don't know why a bunch of people seem to be giving it the "good but not great" review, like this album doesn't "break any new ground," but I don't even care much. I feel too old now to be the idealist who keeps looking for the earth-shattering, rock 'n roll saving album, or the new standard in creativity that everyone raves about, because it either isn't going to happen or, when people think they've found it, it'll end up sounding like the Fleet Foxes, in which case spare me. I listened to this thing in-between classes on a CD Walkman, true story.

Look! It's Indiana Jones!!!!!!!!!

Late Night with Conan O'brien

I just wanted to say a short something about the end of Late Night with Conan O'brien. First of all, the last several episodes are on Hulu, so go watch them! Conan was a mainstay back among "the guys" in the sophomore/junior years at WashU. Since I moved out to DC, I haven't really watched much because he's on so late. But he's definitely been the best talk show host that I can think of in my lifetime. Way better than Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, etc. It'll be nice to have him on at an earlier hour, but I hope that he doesn't tone down his humor to the dumber 11:30 audience.

Good luck in L.A. Conan!