Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

I can remember the first time I played Street Fighter II: My friend Ellis' birthday party back in 4th grade. Eventually we had to implement a "no dhalsim" policy, because back then we could not defeat dhalsim's long limb attacks. The game blew my mind. Street Fighter II was THE game... until next year's birthday party, when Mortal Kombat came out.

Anyways, movies adapted from video games are generally not very good. When I see a movie based on a game, I typically want a high camp-factor, with lots of cartoonish action. Both Mortal Kombat films provided this, as did the classic Street Fighter movie with Jean Claude Van Damme as Guile. But unfortunately, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (SFLCL) did not. Let me state plainly: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. I expected a movie with a 0% Rotten Tomatoes Rating to have a "so bad it's funny" element. There was very little funny about this movie. It was just unbearable.

Problem 1: Very little action. For a movie called street fighter, there was maybe one street fight that lasted like 1 minute? Uggh.

Problem 2: Too much plot and charater development. We don't give a shit about that- show us some people beating the crap out of each other! And if you are going that route, at LEAST make it interesting.

Problem 3: A retarded side plot. The movie had two main story lines going on. First there was Chun-Li attempting to find her father. Secondly, there was an INTERPOL cop and a Bangkok cop teamed up trying to bring down Bison. Way too much time was spent on these cops. We don't give a shit about that!

Problem 4: Not enough Street Fighter charaters. There was Chun-Li, Bison, Balrog, and Vega (briefly). That's it. I mean, come on! You were in frickin Thailand, at least have Sagat.

Problem 5: Horrible casting. Bison: Band of Brother's Lt. Buck Compton. He's just some white American dude who doesn't even know martial arts, making the final showdown totally lame. Chun-Li: Smallville's Lana Lane. She's not even fully Chinese! Chun-Li is from China. I know that, because on the game you fight her on the streets of China. She is not half-Chinese, born in San Francisco. Balrog: Michael Clarke Duncan. Okay, this one was a good choice. But I wonder why he got involved in this pile of crap. Stupid INTERPOL cop: American Pie's "Oz." Man, this guy cannot act! He was just painful to watch. And the "chemistry" between him and the Bangkok hot girl cop was so not there.

I did though like that Chun-Li's teacher was the guy who played Liu Kang in the Mortal Kombat movies. Nice crossover. And when Chun-Li fought Bison, she hit him with a bicycle kick- an homage to Liu Kang's signature move, perhaps???

So do not see SFLCL. Please do not see it! See anything else instead. The movie sets up for a sequel, with Liu Kang telling Chun-li that he's heard of a good fighter in Japan named Ryu. God I hope they don't make that movie. Perhaps a better route would be a sitcom with Zangief, Ken, E Honda, and a hilarious nerd sharing a small Brooklyn apartment and chasing girls. I'd watch!


J said...

2k reunion at ellis' next birthday party? is that where you met robert?

charz said...

Shiiiit I ain't seen Ellis in about 10 years. But yeah, it IS where I met Robert.

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