A 2k challenge!

Dear charz2k contributors. I, Charz, am announcing a challenge to you: the Madea Goes to Jail Challenge! If you are able to go to Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail, sit through the entire film, and write a detailed review on the movie and experience, I will personally mail you a check for the cost of the ticket.

Rules: There can be only one winner. You are on your honor. It has to be during opening weekend, and a sketchy theater is preferred although not required. You may also double it up with Fired Up, and get TWO ticket reimbursements... but they must be seen consecutively.

Good luck,
charz

New Simpsons Opening Credit Sequence

So I'm sure I'm the only one here who actually watched the most recent Simpsons episode, but I was shocked to find that they had just changed the opening title sequence for the first time ever. The Simpsons is approaching drinking age... maybe it was time for a change? Well the purist in me says no way, you can't change the opening! It's classic! The other side of me says who the hell cares, the current simpsons is the same as classic simpsons in name only. The bottom line is, the opening credits aren't that important- it's about the episode itself. And why was I watching the simpsons? The flu kept me inside all weekend, and my cable was on the fritz. This left Hulu as my entertainment option (and comedy central for some reason which worked, but there's only so much Larry the Cable Guy stand up one can take). So after watching 5 conans (which only has a few eps left), some south park, some family guy, and some its always sunny in philly, I gave in and watched the newest simpsons. As expected, it was better than WashU-era simpsons, but worse than the golden era... that's kinda the calibre to be expected these days, which is a bit sad, but I can at least be entertained, unlike a few years ago when I'd just get enraged.

Anyways, here's the new opening credits:

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2009/02/in-case-you-mis.html

What do you think?

Looking Forward to Baseball: 2k Interviews A-Rod!

Well, baseball season is less than two months away, and here at 2k, we can hardly wait. To get us ready for opening day, New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez has kindly sat down with us for an exclusive interview.

2k: Hi A-Rod. Thanks for interviewing with us. We don't usually get high profile athletes wanting anything to do with our site.

A-Rod: Hey no problem, no problem. I read your site all the time. I really liked that Renwick Art Gallery piece. When I went there, I got a whole bunch of those Game Fish for my teammates for souvenirs. They love those things.

2k: Yeh, yeh, well, speaking of souvenirs, you know we are excited about getting back to the ballpark this spring for some Major League games. I've never caught a foul ball at a game though. Any suggestions?

A-Rod: Hey man, first thing is that you can't be afraid of the ball. Some of those come flying in there. I recommend maybe

bringing your glove to the game. Sometimes I even take mine out

to third base with me, it really helps. Otherwise I just kind of

squinch my face up and let the left-fielder deal with it. Oh and I

hate it when you catch a foul ball and there's some little kid next to you and everyone makes you feel guilty for not giving it to him.

Don't fall for that kind of stuff.

2k: Thanks A-Rod. I really appreciate that. What I hate, though, is when you get to your seats and there is that big fat crazy fan drinking beer with their shirt off on a hot summer day. What do you do about that?

A-Rod: Dude, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Take your shirt off, too. I think you'll find that they are really friendly in the long run. Just try to relax, have a good time, and I think you can get along with them. Red Sox fans, Cubs fans, and even Astro fans are the most gentle, really, if you just let them be.

2k: Thanks A-Rod. I think I know what you mean. I guess what we're all dying to know next is what your favorite ballpark food is?

A-Rod: Well it's gotta be the hotdog. I'm too lazy to actually go to the concession stand though, and the worst part about it is trying to flag down the vendor walking in the aisles. (2K shows him photo). Oh, yeah, you have a picture! Yeah, see what I mean? I'm hollering at the top of my lungs here and waving my bat, and the hot dog guy still ignores me. Typical New Yorker. John Rocker was right.

2k: The fans really seem to like you though, A-Rod.

A-Rod: Oh yeah. I love them, and they love me. I love to see myself

on the front page every day. I mean they should love me. I was happily taking steroids down in Texas and I gave that all up to come here. Those photographers are sneaky though. They snapped this one right as Giambi was accusing me of getting into his stash.

2k: I can't even imagine. Can't even imagine. How do you deal with the pressures? New York? The Big Apple? Madonna? What a stage. Always in the spotlight. I don't think I could handle it. Charz2k would die for that kind of fanfare. How do you handle it.

A-Rod: I know. And let me be the first to tell you. Baseball isn't all just fun

and games. People think that you are just a big prima donna and you go out there and get paid millions and millions of dollars to play something everyone played in high school while you make working class fans pay $150 for a ticket to the game. But it's not fun and games. I work as hard as anyone at what I do. You try it. I stay focused 162 games a year, and I hang around until the 4th inning of the All-Star Game. You try it and see how it feels. From the moment I walk onto that field for batting practice, you have to be locked in.

2k: Sounds like a tough life, to hear it out of your own mouth. Well, how about those Red Sox? What a rivalry, huh?

A-Rod: Oh I know. They're all queer up there. Remember that
play in the 7th game of the 2004 ALCS, when they came back from three games to none to beat us in the series? Bronson Arroyo was trying to feel me up on the first base line. Most people tried to blame me for cheating by swatting the ball out of his hand, but c'mon, I think we all know how Boston people are.

2k: OK but is that a purse on your arm?

A-Rod: Duh. No wonder charz2k hasn't hit the big time yet.

2k: Well A-Rod, last question. How does the steroid newsbreak affect your legacy as a future hall-of-famer?

A-Rod: It's hard, 2k, it's hard. I mean, what are they going to put on the permanent plaque? Will it be "A-Roid," or "A-R*D"? I am kind of partial to the first one, personally. As for my legacy as a Yankee? It won't matter a bit. I am a ballplayer that produces. They don't call me Mr. July for nothing.

2k: Thank you A-Rod.

The Smithsonian Renwick Art Gallery

Many non-DCers may not know, but there are many Smithsonian museums in addition to the more well-known ones like US History/Air and Space. I went to one of these for the first time today- The Renwick Art Gallery. Although small, it was pretty cool. Here are my favorite 3 pieces:










This is called "breast trophy." I think it's fairly self-explanatory.







Next, there's the Game Fish. I liked it so much, I even bought a Game Fish mug at the gift shop.


It's a fish, made of games! I know it's small, but some of its parts include gumby, yoyos, dice, dominoes, scrabble tiles, etc. And this game fish is armed! As in, it has an arm, holding a dart.












Finally, my favorite was "ghost clock"


At first I was like- WTF, is this seriously a grandfather clock with a sheet draped over it? Then I read the blurb, and it was like "at first glance this may appear to be a grandfather clock with a sheet draped on top of it..." Like it read my mind! In actually, that's not a sheet. The "sheet" and the base of the clock are all the same substance, from the same piece of mahogony. Cool!

Franz Ferdinand - Tonight: Franz Ferdinand

The third posthumously released solo effort from Franz Ferdinand is yet another marvel of songwriting from the father of rock 'n' roll. This album is (yet again) the very definition of an anachronism. Born a fortunate little rich boy, Franz Ferdinand was heir presumptive to the Austro-Hungarian throne. He was a noted lazy fuck who took little interest in the matters of governance. At the time of his death in the early 20th century, his songwriting was completely unappreciated. Indeed, record executives withheld these recordings until the time was deemed right. The people of 1908, more concerned with milking cows and avoiding bombs, were simply not prepared to handle the music recorded by the Archduke.

I just want to know exactly how a single, seemingly artless shithead like Franz Ferdinand could father the post-punk (and by extension, punk, and by further extension, rock and roll in general) sound. We'll never understand. Either way, this is Franz's third album. All three of his albums are absolutely seminal by the way. Even if you don't like the music per se, it is a necessary purchase if the reader wishes to truly appreciate the roots of rock music. In short, this album is indescribably essential for all lovers of rock music and historians alike.

Rumor has it this music was used to torture prisoners back in WWI. While it did not violate the rights of the prisoners, it was a clever loophole. So blown were the prisoners' minds that each and every prison camp was driven to mass ritual suicide. This is why the death toll is so high for WWI. While this is just a rumor, many historians now accept it as fact.


Anti-Bears: 3.2 - the music is merely decent in our modern context...but 5.0 anti- bears could be rewarded based only on the cultural, musical, punky implications found herein. I'm not going to take those things into consideration so, yeah, 3.2 anti-bears is the score.

Bears: 1.914 - Bummer alert! This album inspired Franz Ferdinand's assassination. Get this: Mark David Chapman is to John Lennon as Gavrilo Princip is to Franz Ferdinand. One bear has been subtracted as many historians believe the death of Franz Ferdinand spurred the First World War (and I think that's awesome). The man started the coolest music genre AND the coolest war. Gas masks, black and white photographs, battles on the African front, Everything getting all quiet on some western front, mustard gas, those shitty early tanks, stick grenades, funny navy hats, trenches, razor-wire, machine guns, blood, guts, decapitation, Hitler as war hero, British accents.....that's my music.

Dreaming About Girls in Cars

So, school has resumed. Besides being a general bear, it means more reading, more work, more biting my nails in class in anxiety. It also means I will be spending more time on the turnpike each week driving back and forth between Norman and Tulsa.

I'll be honest. When I am passing cars on the highway, I imagine some really good looking girl driving in the car nearby. I picture a different girl based on what car she is driving, and I am invariably wrong every time. Does anyone else do this? I will now relay my experiences based on each car model. The "anti-bears" are for potential/expectation value of who I envision behind the wheel. The "bear" points are rewarded for the harshness of reality.

Model #1: The Chevy Malibu.
Let's start with your basic car, so obviously this will be driven by your basic, regular-day hot chick, which is Kelly Kapowski. "Malibu" makes me think they must be heading to the beach, even though there aren't any in Oklahoma. Kelly Kapow-wow-wow-ski = 3.8 anti-bears.


But, as I pull alongside, who will be driving? None other than Screech himself! Always pans out that way, and always will. As I type this, a Screech quotation from an episode I can't remember comes to mind, and that is "Always a guinea pig, never a guinea." Well now I know what he meant. 3.8 bears.

Model #2: The Volkswagen Jetta.
This to me is likely to be driven by your good-looking indie rock girl. Maybe they are in a band or someone you see at a concert. They might even look really strange, like have weird-colored hair or something but for some reason they're just attractive. They're probably English majors and/or vegetarians. Basically, if you pass a Jetta, you have a chance of passing a car full of the Pipettes. I don't know anything about this band other than Garz said he liked them at one point, and that they possibly even broke up or got new members. I wouldn't have reason to know that info just by passing them on the road. 4.1 anti-bears.

So, I breeze by the Jetta, and lo and behold! It's Jerry Garcia driving it! Well, I probably got the vegetarian part right, but these Jettas are always so deceptive. You can bet the farm it'll be some hippie or slacker college guy (or Dan). I think if Garz grew a beard he could pull this look off. Would be 4.3 bears, but if they wave like that then I reduce it to 3.3 bears.

Model #3: The Honda SUV.
I don't know what started the SUV rage, but if I see one on the highway, I immediately think old high school Christina Aguilera from sophomore year. Some good-looking sorority-type girl, basically. If you're right, the payoff is usually pretty good. 4.5 anti-bears.

But, big surprise. Why would I set my hopes so high? These are always inevitably driven by Tom Anderson everytime, which is probably why I am passing them in the first place because they are going so slow. Look for the handicapped tag in the rearview mirror. Maybe I'll see Beavis and Butthead in a stolen Honda SUV sometime. At least Beavis is a blonde.

Model #4: The BMW.
!!!!! Hot chick alert !!!!! is what these things scream, no matter what the color. I'm aiming high with Mary Elizabeth Winstead here. All I know about her is she was in Live Free or Die Hard and was the only reason I sat through Tarantino's Grindhouse movie because she was in it. 5.0 anti-bears.

Wrecked! As you pull up alongside, it's just a multi-millionaire thirty-year old man who's going to a modelling shoot in his kick-around car for the weekend. It's A-Rod! 5.0 bears.

Model #5: The Ferrari.
No doubt, every time I pass one of these, I bet all my chips on seeing Christie Brinkley from Vacation, with her hair in the wind, waking me up just before I fall asleep of boredom. 4.7 anti-bears. Who else could possibly be driving such an automobile? I have to speed up and find out...

I just got pimped!

Joe Flacco

=Anton Newcombe with a haircut!