Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Franz Ferdinand - Tonight: Franz Ferdinand

The third posthumously released solo effort from Franz Ferdinand is yet another marvel of songwriting from the father of rock 'n' roll. This album is (yet again) the very definition of an anachronism. Born a fortunate little rich boy, Franz Ferdinand was heir presumptive to the Austro-Hungarian throne. He was a noted lazy fuck who took little interest in the matters of governance. At the time of his death in the early 20th century, his songwriting was completely unappreciated. Indeed, record executives withheld these recordings until the time was deemed right. The people of 1908, more concerned with milking cows and avoiding bombs, were simply not prepared to handle the music recorded by the Archduke.

I just want to know exactly how a single, seemingly artless shithead like Franz Ferdinand could father the post-punk (and by extension, punk, and by further extension, rock and roll in general) sound. We'll never understand. Either way, this is Franz's third album. All three of his albums are absolutely seminal by the way. Even if you don't like the music per se, it is a necessary purchase if the reader wishes to truly appreciate the roots of rock music. In short, this album is indescribably essential for all lovers of rock music and historians alike.

Rumor has it this music was used to torture prisoners back in WWI. While it did not violate the rights of the prisoners, it was a clever loophole. So blown were the prisoners' minds that each and every prison camp was driven to mass ritual suicide. This is why the death toll is so high for WWI. While this is just a rumor, many historians now accept it as fact.

Anti-Bears: 3.2 - the music is merely decent in our modern context...but 5.0 anti- bears could be rewarded based only on the cultural, musical, punky implications found herein. I'm not going to take those things into consideration so, yeah, 3.2 anti-bears is the score.

Bears: 1.914 - Bummer alert! This album inspired Franz Ferdinand's assassination. Get this: Mark David Chapman is to John Lennon as Gavrilo Princip is to Franz Ferdinand. One bear has been subtracted as many historians believe the death of Franz Ferdinand spurred the First World War (and I think that's awesome). The man started the coolest music genre AND the coolest war. Gas masks, black and white photographs, battles on the African front, Everything getting all quiet on some western front, mustard gas, those shitty early tanks, stick grenades, funny navy hats, trenches, razor-wire, machine guns, blood, guts, decapitation, Hitler as war hero, British accents.....that's my music.


Eric said...

I'd subtract another bear for the Sopwith Camel vs. Red Baron aspect of the war.

charz said...

It may not have violated the rights of prisoners then, but I believe out of his music birthed the Geneva Convention years later.