Thursday, July 12, 2007

From the Archives, Volume 3: AOL Chat Rooms

At charz2k, where we play all the hits, we still take time to honor requests from our fans. Such is why this one's being put up now. I don't know if there was ever an official title, but this one's going to go by Dannychat.

I just got cable modem. Fuck dial up! That shit is slow and played out. I am getting rid of AOL at the end of this month. Here's what I'm going to do. I am going to explore all of those ridiculous AOL chat rooms one last time. Every stupid niche is covered. The members of AOL have too much freedom (trust me, I know, AOL allows me to look at all the sick porn I look at). Members can make chat rooms with a title of their choosing. The "founder" of each chat room can kick any offensive member out of their chat room at his or her discretion. Some members are obviously more sensitive than others. This whole concept angers me for some reason. I will go to each chat room that has a retarded chat name. I will document a.) the room's name, b.) how long it takes me to get kicked out, and c.) what I said that spurred the founder to kick me out. Aside from a small bit of dignity and some masturbation time, what have I got to lose?

Room One:

  1. Mormon Q and A
  2. 12 seconds
  3. "How many Mormons does it take to fuck a goat?"
I knew this would seal my fate. This was my first one so I wanted a clean, prompt start.

Room Two:

  1. Magnifythelordwithme
  2. 4 seconds
  3. "god IS really small isn't he?"

This is like the dorkiest and most obvious thing I could have said. It's just a play on the room's name. The chat founder welcomed me "in Jesus' name". I told him God was small (hence the necessity for his magnification) and he kicked me out in Jesus' name. Jesus hates people who take things literally.

Room Three:

  1. Sweet N Sour Tears
  2. NA
  3. NA

Some guy was talking about having cancer and needing a bone marrow transplant. I left voluntarily because I'm not heartless. What do you want from me?

Room Four:

  1. Ask A Witch
  2. 7 minutes
  3. "I'm trying to get kicked out of chat rooms"

They were happy to oblige I guess. That's it. This is annoying

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